Tastes Like Chicken

Brad received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.


Brad tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything else that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Brad put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet
.

Brad, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Brad's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."


Brad was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued,

"May I ask what the chicken did?"

Glumless In Sobriety

I feel like laughing today....hope this will make you laugh  (and I'm pretty sure "glumless" is not a word)  Siamese twins walk into a bar and park themselves on a bar  stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at  the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two beers, draft please."  The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation  while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet boys?"  "We're off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year,  rent a car, and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.  "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country. The history, the  beer, fish and chips, the culture..."  "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and a couple of  drafts, that's us, eh Jim?  "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.  "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.